Friday Night Lament: Fuzzball held hostage 13 Trapped! by Fuzzball I can't believe I fell for it. I mean - I have the superior intellect. I have the savvy. I have looks, brains, personality -I have it all! Except an answer about how to get out from under this recliner where the host of heathens trapped me … Hey ya'll out there! We're the cutesy kitties and we'll be writing this column for awhile. Fuzzball is unavailable…um…er… yeah, that's it! He's "otherwise occupied".

HEY! What are you typing? Is that MY computer I hear? Get your grubby little paws off that keyboard! Help! It's dark in here!

Er… excuse that interruption. TV's too loud, don't 'cha know? Anyway, as I was saying - Fuzzball is away for a bit working on some 'behavior modification'. He's just grumbly and growly all the time for no reason, so we charitably arranged for some quiet time in a 'thinking spot'.

HEY! Dark in here! Could you throw me a flashlight or something? Mom? MOMMMMMMMM!

*cough cough* No, I didn't hear anything… (Sister! Go bounce on the seat of that recliner!) Allow me to introduce us. I am one of the world's sweetest kittens, and the other one is my sister. We were recently adopted by Fuzzball's mother and we look forward to being his friend. If he'll ever get over himself and allow us to reign in the natural order of things…

HEY! Could use some food here! Only thing under this recliner is stale popcorn, a quarter, and a dust bunny the size of Manhattan!

Oh. Wow. Look at these neat cat toys! Where has he been hiding them? Quick, sister! Carry them to our bed!

HEY! Is that my deluxe super-dooper catnip mousie with the sheepskin covering? Is that what I hear? It better NOT be! Um…. Still need that flashlight!

Here comes Mom. Sister - do your thing! *Purr. Purrrrrrrrrr! Blink Blink* It worked! Now she's giving us his special organic cat mint which was hand-picked and cured in the natural sunlight.

*Rerrrow!*

HEY! I smell catnip. You know - since Changeling caused my problems - I think Changeling should solve them. When I get out of here I'm going to contact some of the writers and see if they will adopt me.

*Rerrow!*

Dakota Cassidy - nope. Too many animals already, and apparently they have to be able to swim.
Cat Marsters - nope. Having two "Cats" in the house would be too confusing. What if someone accidentally transferred their worship to her instead of me?
Alice Gaines - nope. Two snakes. Not the place for Fuzzball.
I will need to investigate further.

*Rerrow!*

HEY! Let me out! I have research to do. I want my catnip. It's dark in here. There isn't a litter box…